Wrap Your Arms Around Me
by Raspberry-Icecream
Summary: I put my hands around your neck, you wrap your arms around me.  My first fanfic, don't be too harsh please!


**Ok, so this is my first Fanfiction I've ever written, so I hope it's not too terrible! Oh, and Tavros has full use of his legs here, seeing as this is an AU fic, and Vriska never made him jump off of a cliff.  
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**Disclaimer: I don't own Homestuck, or the song lyrics at the end**

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><p>You opened the door of the convenience store, the little bell jingling as you leave. You turn around to wave goodbye to your good friend Jade, who was working as a cashier there. You step outside into the cool autumn air, taking in a deep breath. <em>I just love fall. Everything looks so colorful, and the crisp cool air always feels so refreshing and nice.<em> Today had been a really long day. You had fallen asleep in the middle of one of your professor's long lectures, and received a five minute personal lecture yourself, and were promptly kicked out of class. It's not your fault you're so tired all the time, you can't help it! Being the target in class is something you're used to, anyway. What with you being so clumsy, you're constantly giving the other students something to laugh about.

The store is a mere ten minute walk from your apartment which you share with your boyfriend, Gamzee. A small smile forms on your lips as you think about him. It will be nice to come home from a long day at the University, and spend the evening with your lover. You walk a little faster with that thought in mind.

After letting your mind wander to the events that could take place this evening, you soon find yourself standing in front of the door to your apartment, your hands deep in your coat pockets in search for your keys. "Come on… where are you?" You quietly mumble to yourself. Fuck, you must've left them in your bag. Putting down your grocery bag of milk, eggs and Faygo, you kneel on the ground, and began pulling all of your belongings out of your school bag and dumping them on the ground. After almost completely emptying your entire bag, you finally spot your keys shoved in the corner of your bag. Grabbing them, you start stuffing all your school stuff back into your bag, and stand up to unlock the door.

You stare at the "Out of order" sign on the elevator, wishing they could get it fixed already. Walking up six flights of stairs everyday isn't much fun when you're so clumsy, you trip on them almost constantly. Today you seemed to be lucky, as you made it up without falling or even stumbling once. You step up to your door, your keys still in hand, and stuff them into the lock, turning it. After several failed attempts at getting into your room, you realized that it's already unlocked. "Oh…" you mumble, feeling like an idiot.

Upon opening the door, all you see is darkness, and the faint outline of furniture as the light from the hallway floods your apartment. "Gamzee, are you home?" You call out. You close the door, the darkness surrounding you completely. Stumbling into the living room, you search for the lamp that's sitting on the end table. Your hand hits it, and you run your fingers along the side, searching for the switch. You turn it on, and the room glows a faint yellowy colour. _He must be out, maybe he went to Karkat's house…_ You turn around, and a small "Ah!" escapes your mouth as you see Gamzee himself sitting in the armchair, silently staring into his lap. _Oh God, oh no, this is a bad sign. _

"Uh… Gamzee?" your quiet voice seems to ring out into the deathly silence of the room. Gamzee doesn't move. You slowly step forward, and bend down so your eye level with him, and tentatively put your hand on his shoulder. As your hand made contact with him, his head snapped up, and his eyes focus on you. A look of pure loathing and rage, whether at you or himself you don't know, is in his eyes. You know that look. You know that when he gets like this, you should just leave. Go, leave, go to Karkat's house even though he hates you, he would understand. He knows what Gamzee can be capable of sometimes... You don't leave though. You only straighten back up as Gamzee stands up, towering above you. He's always been so much taller than you, and right now it's terrifying. He starts advancing towards you, slowly and smoothly, and you back away, feeling yourself start to shake.

You bump into something, and realize that you've hit the wall on the opposite end of the room, and you press your body against its cool surface. You know you're trapped now, as Gamzee slams his hand on the wall beside your head. You should have left when you had the chance, it's too late now. You hate this look in his eyes; it's a look you haven't seen in quite a while. You hate this Gamzee. This isn't the Gamzee you know and love. You stare deep into his eyes, looking for your Gamzee, not this monster that has swallowed him whole. All you find is the rage, the hate. He opens his mouth, exposing his teeth, a snarl escaping his lips that sounds like your name, and suddenly you can't breathe anymore.

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><p>Today was a bad day. You woke up later than usual; Tavros must've let you sleep in today. You groan, feeling a kink in your back from having slept in a stupid position all night. You roll over onto your side, but find yourself falling face first onto the floor. Apparently you were closer to the edge that you thought. "Mother fucker!" You yell as your face makes contact with the hard wood flooring, and you stay there for a moment grumbling profanities into the floor.<p>

You had those dreams again last night. The dreams that haunt you. They had stayed away for months, making you feel safe, you had calmed down a lot. You thought they had finally left, but no. They always rear their ugly head back in your direction, and drive you to the brink of insanity. It's usually better when Tavros is there, he can usually calm you down right after you wake up, before something bad happens. But this morning he was gone, and you had to face this alone. But you suppose it's better like this... If you get too bad, or he can't calm you down, bad things can happen. You don't like Tavros being the target then.

"Ok, Gamz, you stupid mother fucker," You talk to yourself as you make your way to the bathroom, "you can get through this without Tavros here." You have to, before he gets home. You can't let him see you like this, not again. After so many times he's been through this with you, after all the pain you've caused him. He thinks this is over, you thought it was too. Standing over the sink, you splash cold water onto your face, trying to calm yourself down, but to no avail. The dream keeps flashing through your mind, God, the blood. The screams, you still hear them in your head, and you start to violently shake.

Closing your eyes, you try to think of something, anything good that can take your mind off of this. You think of Tavros, when you both lay in bed together on the weekends, sometimes past noon, just holding each other and talking. You think of all the times you have made love, and this thought warms your heart just a little, and you feel that you can move again. You look down to see your hands tightly clutching the edges of the counter so hard, your knuckles are turning white. You let go, and move your fingers a bit, trying to get the feeling back into them again.

You slowly make your way to the kitchen, trying to leave the thoughts of that dream behind. Opening the fridge, you see you've only got one bottle of Faygo left. You whip out your cell, and quickly send a text to Tav to get some more after his classes. You pick it up, but the condensation on the side makes it slip out of your hands, dropping to the floor. Without thinking, you pick it up and open it, Faygo exploding all over everything.

You just silently stand there, dumbfounded almost. And that's when it sets in. The rage. You had hoped it wouldn't come, but here it is. Faygo is dripping off the ends of your hair, rolling down your cheeks. Your face contorts into that of pure rage. And you shriek, not caring if the neighbors hear or not. Nothing matters, only the ringing in your ears as you grab your toaster, and throw it into the wall.

You spend the whole day screaming, clutching your head. You can't fight off the impending madness eating away at your mind. You hate this. You desperately try to fight it off, but you feel weak. You spend hours on the floor sobbing, mumbling Tavros' name, wanting him here. But you also don't want him here, he can't see you like this again, you don't want to lash out at him. Eventually the sobbing stops and you're silent. You feel numb, and your will power slips away, the darkness consumes you. You feel like it's not even you anymore, like you're watching yourself, as you turn off the lights, as they hurt your eyes. You just want to see the darkness you feel.

The dream repeats itself, over and over and over again inside your head, and you're slipping even more away. The screams ringing in your head, seeing the blood of your friends, everywhere. Then there's Tavros, crying, begging you, please, no, but you don't listen. You charge at him, knife in hand. You stab him, cut him so much, leaving him a bloody mess. He doesn't even look human anymore. He isn't breathing. The screams have stopped, it's silent in your mind now. You hate seeing this, but you can't stop it. You still feel numb. You hate this. Why, why why why does this keep happening to me, you think to yourself, over and over again, seeing the blood behind your eyelids, hearing the screams again, it's on a loop. But suddenly, you hear the jingling of keys mixed with mumbling coming from outside the door, and everything in your head comes to a screeching halt.

You don't move, you stay seated in the chair, intently staring at your lap. You don't even flinch when light floods the room coming from the hall, then the door closes again. You hear him call out your name. Normally hearing his voice makes you smile, he makes your heart beat faster, but not now. Nothing. Just that feeling of numbness. You don't respond to him, just let him stumble around in the dark. _Leave Tavros, please, get out of here, I can't control myself, please, leave, stay, leave…_ A dim yellow glow fills the room as he turns the lamp on, and you can finally see him, if you actually looked up. But you don't look up, you don't know what will happen if you look at him. You can't lose control, you're trying so hard to keep a grasp of your self control, but it's already too late.

You feel his warm hand on your shoulder, hear his voice and oh God, he's so close, your head snaps up to look at him. As he stares into your eyes, and you see the fear etched onto his face. _Yes, be afraid, get the fuck out! Leave! _But he doesn't. You stand up, towering over him. He's so short, it's so easy to intimidate him. You walk towards him as he backs up against the wall, and you slam your hand on the wall, trapping him. You both stand there, staring into each other's eyes. You raise your other hand suddenly, and in one fluid motion, you wrap it around his throat.

He chokes out a gasp, and his eyes get wider. _No, no, I didn't do that Tavros, I'm so sorry… _You tighten your grip, snarling his name out, growling at him. You can still hear him breathing, just barely. In your peripheral vision, you see him raise his arms. _Yes, hit me! Push me away! Beat me, hurt me, kill me, do something, please…_ But he doesn't. You can feel his arms wrapping around your waist. His eyes are slowly closing, and he holds onto you tighter. There's no fear in his eyes anymore. _Why? Why! Be scared of me, what are you doing? Fight back!_ You tighten your grip even more, and he can't breathe at all. You keep staring into his eyes, and he stares back. He's losing consciousness now. His lips move, and you look at them. _I love you_, those are the words his lips form before he passes out.

You stare at him in shock, your grip just as tight on his neck. You feel all the hate, all the rage, everything just drain out of you in that instant, and you're back in control again. You release your grip of his throat instantly, and instead wrap your arms aound his back, and slowly sink to the floor, holding him close to you.

_Oh God, no no no no no! Tavros, please, please don't leave me, no…_ You're desperately trying to get him to wake up, shaking him. You put your head to his chest, there's still a heartbeat. You put your ear near his mouth, and listen for his breath. It's shallow and raspy, but oh thank God, he's not dead. You feel the tears slipping down your face, how could you do this to him again? He doesn't deserve this! You clutch his unconscious form to your chest, and sob into his hair.

After a few minutes, you collect your thoughts, and pick him up to bring him to bed. You lay him down in the middle, and throw the blankets over him. You stare at him for a while, no longer with the loathing hateful look, but a loving and apologetic look on your face. You walk out, silently closing the door behind you.

Walking around the apartment, you start turning the lights back on. Fuck, you made a mess of this place. There are a few broken plates in the kitchen, and your Faygo has dried into a sticky purple puddle on the floor. The toaster is no longer functional, so you toss it in the garbage. You sweep up all the broken glass all over the floor, and wipe up the Faygo. You no longer feel numb, and you're slowly starting to feel like your normal self again, only with guilt eating at your insides. You walk into the living room, and set to work on cleaning everything that was knocked out of its place in your blind rage.

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><p>"<em>Tav… Tav, bro, you awake…?"<em>

You feel yourself slowly being brought back to awareness, and hearing someone calling your name. Your throat hurts. You don't want to wake up yet, and you groan, which causes sharp stabbing pain in your throat. You shoot straight up in bed, nearly coughing up your lungs. Your eyes are watering, and you can't stop coughing, God, what happened? How did you get in here? Suddenly a glass of water is put in front of your face, and you clutch at it desperately, gulping down as much as possible and spilling some on the bed sheets. You take in a deep, shakey breath, and try to resist the urge to start hacking again.

Then it hits you- the memory of what happened comes back in an instant, and you tense up. You thought he was past this, you thought this would stop happening to him. You look over, and stare into his eyes. They're no longer full of hate and evil, just the soft worried eyes that you love.

"Gam-" you start, it comes out shaky, and you start coughing again, and oh God, it _hurts. _ Gamzee's eyes widen with fear, and his arms are around you in an instant.

"Oh God, Tav, I'm so sorry motherfucker, oh God Tavros I'm so sorry…" Gamzee holds you tighter, and you can feel him shaking. Your eyes are watering as you hold back more coughing. "Tavros, I'm sorry, I was so scared, I swear I didn't mean to, oh God, I'm so sorry…" You can feel his tears soaking your shirt. You wrap your arms around his neck, and run your fingers through his hair. "I know…" you croak out, and he tightens his hold on you. You pull him down so you're both lying on the bed, and you pull the blankets over you both, snuggling under them into the warmth. He looks like he hadn't slept in forever. That's probably what it feels like.

"The, uh, the dreams again?" You ask, and feel him nodding, his face curled into your chest. "Fuck, Tav, I thought they were gone…" "Shh," you try to comfort him, still running your hands through his unruly hair. That always makes him feel better, and you can feel his muscles relaxing some more, and he sighs.

You both lay there in the silence, listening to each other's breathing. After what you guess is an hour, you can hear Gamzee's light snores, and you feel better now. You feel peaceful, although your throat does still hurt a bit. It's only a physical wound, but Gamzee… You hope his wounds can heal.

You're glad you never left. He needs you. He'll never tell you this of course, his pride wouldn't let him, but you know it. You need him just as much, and you know that too. It doesn't scare you though, because you know you can both get through anything. You've been together for as long as you remember, nothing could tear you apart, not even the demon of his insanity.

"I love you…" You mumble to his sleeping form.

_Do you believe that we are all innately good?  
>Do you think that you would love me until tomorrow if you could?<em>

_I put my hands around your neck, you wrap your arms around me_

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><p><strong>Haha, so was that as horrible as I think it is? Probably. They're probably really out of character, so I'm sorry ^^' I'd really appreciate getting some reviews, I'd like to know what you all think of this. I don't really write much, so... yeah.<strong>

**Anyway, this was inspired by the song "Wrap your arms around me" by the Barenaked Ladies. That's where those lyrics are from~ If you notice any mistakes in my spelling or grammer, or a sentance that doesn't really make sense, please let me know!**


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